Know Your Fringe Parties X -- neorhino.ca

Here's to the only political party in Canada whose party name is also their web address. And here's to the return of a protest party dedicated to shining a light on the absurdities of politics, and making light of its heavy-handed seriousness. And, of course, here's to those who picked up the torch of the old Rhinoceros Party, took out their Bics, and re-lit it.

For anyone reading this who is perhaps a complete moron, I'll give you the party's web address -- it's neorhino.ca. This is where the neorhinos commit themselves (or not) in their mission statement to go "from party to party till victory." "Led" currently by Richelle Cloutier, the neorhinos pick up where their forebears left off. Like the old Rhinoceros Party, the neorhinos are based in Quebec -- although (hilariously) they did run a candidate named John Turner in the riding of Vancouver Quadra in this year's St. Patrick's Day bi-election. And like the originial party, the neorhinos pledge not to keep any of their promises if they are elected. The rest of their platform seems to have been updated for a more modern political age.

Whether it is equipping our armed forces with paint ball guns, imposing a mandatory national gas barbecue registry, the guaranteed weekly orgasm supplement, or promoting world peace by dispatching a globe-trotting army of clowns to spread joy and merriment, the neorhinos remain on the cutting edge of innovative absurd silly party policy development. Instead of a "platform" the neorhinos have designed a "happyform" (cover page pictured at right). The one in the middle is not Elizabeth May.

The neorhyno "happyform" proposes:

• $6 Billion for Education "because fear is ignorance"


• $4 Billion for Culture "now it's going to be party time"


• $6 Billion for Health "to stay healthy, don't get sick"


• Economic Plan "to save money, just stop wasting it"


• Restore dignity and status to the elderly by "creating a Knowledge and Wisdom Registry"


• Bring fun into elections by allowing children to vote, playing soft music at polling places, and (the mantra of all fringe parties) instituting proportional representation


• decriminalize all drugs


• "Create squads of love and tenderness so that everyone will be hugged and cuddled"


• "Get in touch with intuitives who communicate with trees, animals, spirits and souls"


• "After one year in power we will begin our five-year plan for the abolition of the central government of Canada."

An odd combination of urbane anarchism and federally-subsidized Montreal Comedy School clownish Tom Foolery.